You may hiss and you may boo me, you may resist and call me crazy…because there is NO possible way that this could be true!

But have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe…the world is round and not flat?

What is this limiting box that we live in?!!?  Break out!  Just because something is popular belief, doesn’t make it true.  Study to show yourself approved.  aka #findoutforyourself  -love, sj

True happiness is not about anything external. You experience true happiness when you truly believe that the person you have become is a good, quality person.  Therefore, happiness is when you like who you are. – love, sj

I am also updating this place daily with links to other resources and tools that you can use to aid you in your spiritual growth and evolution!  We’re all in this together!!  Love & light to you…all ways…always! -love, sj

I’ve been through so many ups and downs in my life and I’ve learned so many wonderful, valuable lessons from my hardships that I wouldn’t trade them in for anything.  Well, maybe a couple of them I would, but my point is, that my most painful experiences have been the most transforming ones in my life.  Those experiences that caused me the most grief, really were the ones that caused me the most growth!

When I was younger I looked at low points in my life in a very negative light.  I couldn’t understand why I was going through what I was going through, and that made it worse!  But now I look at my troubles as learning and growing opportunities that are molding and shaping me into a stronger, wiser and all around better person.  With this perspective, you become a spiritual alchemist transforming the negative energy into positive.

When you look at your turbulence as a passing moment in time, and use it as an opportunity to learn and grow, you get the most out of the experience and it causes you to get the most out of yourself, and ultimately…the most out of your life!  I can almost guarantee that where there is trouble, there is a lesson to be gained from it so use it all!  Don’t waste one thing that you go through by cursing it.  Learn from your life lessons and grow!  -love, sj

Beyonce sang, ‘why don’t you love me when I make me so damn easy to love. Why don’t you need me when I make me so damn easy to need.’ Sisters and brothers take heed. I know that plea all too well, as I’ve spent years searching for MY love in the hearts of men. ‘Tell me who I am to you’ is a common question many of us spend most of our lives asking of lover after lover, looking to them to deliver the happiness we so long for; the happiness that comes from being wanted and needed by another, the temporary fulfillment that comes from feeling validated by the person who has our attention at the moment.  A lot of us have emptiness within us as deep and wide as the Grand Canyon and are looking for someone to fill it with their love and happiness and ‘complete’ us. The longing for many of us is so deep that we tend to settle for anything just to get a taste of the fulfillment we so desire from a companion. We’re starving. And when you’re starving, you’ll eat just about anything. We’re starving for love. We’re starving for attention. We’re starving for admiration, intimacy, respect, validation, devotion, loyalty, trust and spiritual connection with another. I know, me too…most of us are. Even while in a committed relationship, there still can be a great, deep emptiness within you that has yet to be fulfilled. That empty space manifests itself as dissatisfaction with your self, your mate and the circumstances of your life. But for a lot of us, that might not be that obvious until we get quiet and take a good hard look at ourselves objectively.

Close your eyes and think about why you really feel the way that you feel. The question, ‘why don’t you love me?’ is a good place to start but that’s not it. The next question should be, ‘why don’t I love myself?’ because that is what is really manifesting in your partner. Why do you feel that your happiness should be predicated upon another? We think that way because we have yet to take responsibility for how we feel and think. We don’t look at situations like that though; we play the blame game.

We say, ‘you treat me disrespectfully; you hurt my feelings, you don’t care, you don’t love me,’ and because we’re in pain and he/she doesn’t recognize it, or does recognize it and continues to hurt us, that hurt is now turning into anger and resentment, which leads to more problems in the relationship. We may be able to hold it in for a while but it will inevitably come out in the form of sarcasm, manipulative mind games or all out raging verbal, and sometimes physical outbursts toward our lover. This is because we are in pain. But it is not pain that they have caused, as we tend to believe. Rather, pain from that empty space that is gnawing at us from the inside. The pain from not knowing and loving who you truly are, the pain from what happened to you when you were a child, the pain from something you witnessed or experienced.  These are the bags that Eryakah Badu sang about. ‘Bag lady, you gone miss your bus, draggin all them bags like that. I guess no one ever told you, all you must hold on to, is you. ‘ That song is so powerful. It sheds light on and speaks life into those who are walking around carrying the pain from the past and present states of being and allowing it to damper our present and future moments and experiences with others. So yes, people do hurt us with their words and actions or lack-thereof, but we can use that pain to show us where we are already wounded and hurting within.

As we grow and heal mentally, spiritually and emotionally, we come to know that a) hurt people, hurt people. Meaning that those who are hurting tend to hurt other people as a result of their own pain and suffering, and B) your close relationships are in some way a reflection of you. Your mate is in some way showing you a mirror image of your inner state of being. Either you are exactly like them (now or in the past) in the way they’ve hurt you, or they are showing you the subconscious fears, thoughts, beliefs, etc that you hold, yet may not be aware of. When you look at it from this perspective, you empower yourself because you can no longer look at yourself as a victim when you realize that you have the power to change your relationship experiences. Perhaps if we didn’t give others so much power over our happiness and perhaps if we healed from the wounds of the past, and perhaps if we already loved and accepted ourselves for who and what we are, then we wouldn’t put so much pressure on our mates to validate us and they wouldn’t be able to hurt us because there will be no pain within us for their pain to partner and agree with.

Our lives are reflections of what’s inside of us. If you are already suffering and in pain, your current mental and emotional state creates more of the same. And vice versa if you’re happy and peaceful within. Some would disagree but only because they are seeing things from one perspective. Look deeper, and more objectively at your self, and you will see that the way your mate treats you confirms many of the thoughts that you have about yourself. Before you object, think about it. It may take some time to realize because many of our beliefs about ourselves and other people come from the subconscious programming that has taken place within you up until now so you may not be able to recognize it without some serious soul-searching, and maybe even the help of a therapist. Years worth of words, sounds, images and experiences are all imbedded in your subconscious mind and have an effect on your conscious thoughts, words, beliefs and actions every day. These are the bags that we carry and mostly don’t even realize. We don’t realize because we don’t take the time to look within ourselves to really get to know who we are and what’s inside of us. Explore why you think the way that you think and feel the way that you feel. Don’t just accept what you think and feel, examine it; dig in to your past for possible causes. Are your thoughts and feelings valid? If not, throw them out immediately! Dismiss them and find a counter thought to replace it. Once you change the thought, you change the feeling. And once you change the feeling, the words and actions follow suit.

Why do we demand from others what we have yet to give to ourselves? Because we have not been taught that the foundation of our happiness should not be predicated upon people or circumstances, rather knowing, loving and accepting the essence of whom you really are. And in my experience, this only comes with an open and pure connection to the source of our existence, aka God. The question, ‘why don’t you love me’ should always turn into, ‘why don’t I love me?’ Why? Because that is the root cause of any issues that you may have, not just relationship. Why? Because people and circumstances in our lives are reflections of our conscious and subconscious fears, beliefs and thoughts about ourselves. But when we wake up to who and what we really are, we find divine love, joy, peace and fulfillment within, and this perspective colors all of our relationships and experiences. When there is love, joy, peace & fulfillment within, not only will you attract another who has the same self-love and awareness, but also,the external circumstances of your life tend to flow in a more positive direction.

Our happiness, when based on others, is shallow and therefore fleeting. In order for us to experience a healthy and truly loving relationship, we must be healthy and whole within. And that comes from being honest with our selves and then doing the inner work that is necessary to heal from the wounds of our past. So the next time your mate hurts or disappoints you in some way, don’t bring anything to them until you have first examined yourself. Namaste. –love sj

Over the years, our conscious and subconscious mind is programmed with many ideas.  If the ideas are consistently exposed to us, then they become a part of us.  These ideas eventually mold and shape the perception that we have about ourselves.  And the perception that we have about ourselves greatly influences the life experiences that we have and yes, the partners that we choose.

If you want different experiences and relationships, then it is imperative to get to the root thoughts (or ideas) that are ‘causing’ the experiences that you are having.  Once you understand the subconscious thoughts and beliefs that you secretly hold about yourself, you will see how those thoughts have created your current reality and the relationships that you’ve had.

The good news is that no matter how deep the thoughts have been imbedded in your subconscious mind, once you recognize that they are there and how they have been negatively shaping your reality, you can exchange the old ‘programming’ with new ‘programming’ and as a result, change your experiences.

In order to change the experiences you are having, change the thoughts that create those experiences.  The way to do this is through a constant and deliberate re-programming of your mind to think the thoughts that will lead you to the experiences that you truly desire.  If you truly want true love and you haven’t been getting it, then the root causes have to do with thoughts and feelings of unworthiness.  Perhaps you weren’t given the love that you needed as a child or had an experience that made you feel rejected and it affected you on a deep level.   Whatever the case, lack of self-love was the result of thoughts and ideas that were programmed in your mind at some point, and most often, over many years.

Thoughts are the seeds that grow to be your reality.  When you change the type of ‘seeds’ that you consistently plant in your mind, you change the type of experiences that grow out of your mind.  Find healthy ‘thought seeds’ to plant in your mind daily.  Speak positive words of affirmation over yourself consistently and eventually you will have conquered the old programming that has been robbing you of joy. Your life is a reflection of your mind.  Don’t like your life?  Change your mind. –love, sj

The wherewithal to establish your values and stay committed to them is birthed out of an awareness of the beauty and greatness that resides within each and every one of us.

We disrespect ourselves, pimp ourselves and play ourselves before anyone else is allowed to.

We give others permission to treat us in the same manner we treat ourselves.

Low self-esteem, the need to be seen and loved at all costs is expensive.

It taxes our soul.  It promotes unhealthy ties and is the breeding ground for lies and deceit.

The means to marry your beliefs and never compromise is birthed out of an awareness of your purpose, which is birthed out of knowledge of God and knowledge of self.  Once you understand who you are, you will find yourself loving yourself on purpose, respecting yourself, valuing yourself, honoring yourself, encouraging yourself and maximizing yourself – on purpose.  If we don’t take the time to get to know what lies within us, we live by default; tossed to and fro with the blowing of the wind…nothing to ground us or to find security and confidence in.

Knowing who you are keeps you focused, strong, confident and ahead of the game.

How you see yourself is more important than how others see you, because how you see yourself DETERMINES how others see you, AND how life treats you.

The ability to merge with your purpose is birthed out of an intentional search of your true identity.  I use the word “birthed” because it takes great sacrifice, great focus and a great, continual push over time to deliver the self that may be lying dormant within you…I don’t know about you, but I’m still pushing. If you knew me 12, even 6 years ago you would not believe that I was she.

The woman that I am today came on purpose…the woman that I am becoming…is coming on purpose.  At some point you realize that life is too short to continue living by trial and error…you eventually begin to do and BECOME on purpose.  When you find God, you find yourself.  -love, sj

Taking time to do serious inner work is a priority for my life and it does require me to separate myself from other people while I study, pray, meditate, process and create.  I’ve been this way all my life.  I go through seasons in which I retreat into my inner world and don’t want to talk to or be around anyone.  I’ve learned to be more balanced, but these seasons of solitude and isolation are necessary for me when I’m transitioning to another spiritual level.

There are many people in my life who are similar to me in this way, and so we understand, respect and accept this aspect of each other.  There are other people in my life who are nothing like me in this way, and so they don’t understand why I must be to myself and feel as though I’m cutting them off.  I am cutting them off, but not for any reason other than…if I don’t feed my spirit, I will starve to death.    And if I don’t isolate myself, I will not be able to accurately download what I need to feed my spirit.  This is one of the few times when it is ok to be selfish.  And its not really all that selfish because if I don’t take the time to become a better me, then I’m no good to anyone else anyway.  –love, sj

You can rise or fall

It’s all about where your heart is and how you focus your existence

You gotta be in this to win this

Don’t matter where your start is

Its how you finish

It’s the relentless pursuit of your vision, your passion, your mission

You gotta believe in your dreams enough to make them true

There’s greatness in you

Push past the pain and remain strong, this is nothing to you

You gotta bounce back when you fall flat

Keep your mind tough as a ball bat cause you’re all that

You shine brighter than you think you do

And you glow like the sunlight and ya mo bright when ya mind’s right

Cause when the midnight comes…

The only ones who make it through…

Are the ones who choose to…

Expose your light

You shine brighter than you think you do!

selena j poetry